the deafening sound of life and death in my little life...

Blank. Stare. 

Type, type, type. Delete. Think. Think. 

I have to think outside of the box. My box.

Type. Type. Backspace. (i just love the sound of the keyboard ticking, clicking, snapping itself.)

Thoughts are running.

Another two-minute stare. Ah!

Quick! Type it! 

My mind is screaming like hell. It's just so crazy.

(Great. You Mind, you nuts! you wanna go outta' my head and write this on your own? go. I'm giving you permission. let's see if you can. ha-ha!)

Stop will you?

Another snap. Click. Click.

Oh, my tummy hurts. I don't know if this some sort of an anxiety attack or something. Oh. But what am i anxious in?

Its Friday, eastern time. Saturday, my time. 

Nothing special really, I'm just thankful I was able to wake up again, that I am born again, that I am alive again. (I believe that everyday, we are all brand new and you can treat it as your whole new year. Happy new year!)

Well, anyways, I just wiped off the few tears that Mr. Stan Schwartz brought to my eyes. He's General Motors' OnStar (GM) subscriber; owner of a 2011 GMC Acadia (Wow! I wonder how much money that is) and he's really nice, said that there is nothing wrong with me being a Filipino, said that I'm sweet and smart girl, someone that he can trust .

(He's getting it all in the tone of my voice, said that I sound confident and reliable which was really nice to hear from someone you don't know but appreciate you a lot, after all the cranky calls that i had. Hoooo!)

 And by just saying that, split second, in a spun of my very little moment, it made me cry. He didn't know it, of course. It gave me a sort of happy tingly feeling, hurt me at the same time, gave me a lump in my throat and a head ache.

And this twinge is pissing me off.

 This past few days of my little life, I have been suffering from an ache. Apparently I just cant distinguish as to what aches the most? Was it my head? Was it because of my hazing eyes? 

Was it my heart? Is it? 

Nah. Its just my head, maybe.

Sometimes it hurts a lot to the degree that I can feel the numbness succumbing me to something unfamiliar to the human senses. I'm not going to die. Yet...